Wally



"My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal"

- Wally

Wally is a co-worker of Dilbert.

Profile
Wally is the lazy guy in the group. He does almost no work and is paid about the same as the others. He is rich, but still comes to work because he doesn't know how to make coffee. The Pointy-Haired Boss once said that he had fired nine bald guys because he thought they were Wally. The Boss has said a few times that he would fire Wally, but he doesn't want to shrink his empire. Wally has even received a bonus from the Boss right after he said that because the company had done well that year.

It is in question if Wally is even human, as he has not died from caffeine overdose and has no fingerprint, DNA, or heartbeat. Despite being the most dependent on caffeine in the office, he stayed awake the longest in a storyline when Carol replaced all the coffee in the office with decaf. He once took "Yoda" classes, thinking they were yoga classes. He was also recruited as a door troll by Catbert in "The Merger".

Wally is usually clean shaven, but on at least three occasions, he is seen with a goatee. When questioned about it, he explains that, since he hates goatees, he's trying to use his "powers of extreme uncoolness" to make them go away. It seems to work, as other people with goatees tend to react with horror when they see Wally with a goatee, since that means they're sharing a look with one of the most uncool guys in the workplace.

Dilbert
Wally and Dilbert are best described as "workplace acquaintances." They often work together on projects, but they seem to have no meaningful relationship outside the office.

Alice
Wally's laziness and apathy often puts him at odds with the workaholic Alice.

Pointy-Haired Boss
Wally and the Pointy-Haired Boss have an interesting relationship. Sometimes, the Boss wants to get rid of Wally, but can't because of hiring freezes. He's also stated that on multiple occasions, he's fired bald guys because he thought they were Wally.

However, on other occasions, Wally uses his "genius in his own way" to make himself indispensable to the company, such as by tricking the PHB into thinking Wally has vital knowledge that they can't afford to lose.

Asok
Wally has become somewhat of a mentor to Asok, training the naive intern in the art of using laziness to get his way through work.

Carol
Wally and Carol tend to get along well, mostly united by their mutual disdain for the Pointy-Haired Boss and their shared desire to avoid work as much as possible.

Evolution of Wally
In the first two years of Dilbert, from 1989 to 1991, there were a number of characters with appearances similar to Wally's, but they only had bit parts in Dilbert's office. According to Seven Years of Highly Defective People and What Would Wally Do?, Wally didn't emerge until one of Scott Adams' co-workers at Pacific Bell found himself in an unusual situation: He wanted to leave the company, but by getting fired, so he could collect the large severance package that was being offered. However, since this package was only offered to the bottom 10% of workers, this created a bizarre incentive for "Wally 1.0," as Scott Adams called him, to become the worst possible employee ever.

Scott Adams loved the idea of a completely cynical employee who has no sense of company loyalty and makes no effort to hide his laziness or his total lack of respect, and thus, Wally made his first appearance on October 21st, 1991. He has changed very little since then, both in appearance and personality (with the exception that he got a little bit thinner, as did most characters).

Quotes

 * "Retire? Why would I retire? All I do now is surf the internet and why should I pay for that?"

Wally: "Eh, the hours are too long."
 * Dilbert: "You would have made a great evil mastermind."


 * "Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee."

Wally: "Only if you have a strong desire not to learn."
 * Asok: "Can you teach me to be apathetic like you?"
 * "I did nothing today and still got paid!"